Not Going to Pine
by Francesca Jones
Summary: Set at Luke and Lorelai's wedding immediately after A Year in the Life. Timing had always been their problem. Literati. One-shot


**A/N:** After watching A Year in the Life, I was reading an article that referred to Jess as "pining" for Rory. One of the commentors said that she wasn't a Jess fan, but to say he was pining was a huge disservice to his character. Well I AM a Jess fan, so of course I agree with that statement. Thus, this story came to life. Enjoy!

 **Not Going To Pine**

Jess entered his apartment, dropped his duffel bag, and tossed his keys on the Ikea storage unit next to the door. "Lucy, I'm home!" He called. There was no answer, but since Lucy was his pet turtle, that was to be expected. He shrugged off his jacket and tossed it on the worn, brown recliner (a cast-off from Luke when he'd moved in with Lorelai). He walked over to Lucy's tank, where she was swimming happily. When he dropped in some food, she frantically broke to the surface to devour it.

"Good to see you too." Jess murmured with a smirk. Lucy had been a gift from an ex-girlfriend: Mandy. Out of the two, he was glad Lucy had been the one to stick around. Not that there was anything particularly wrong with Mandy. She was pretty, well-read, occasionally funny. She just didn't keep his interest. Very few people did, but hadn't that always been the case?

He grabbed his phone from the coffee table, where he'd left it charging when he'd departed for Stars Hollow. He'd meant to take it with him, but didn't miss it. He was probably the last 32-year-old in America who didn't have a smartphone. Besides, it wasn't like he got service in Stars Hollow anyway.

There were a few texts from Matt and Chris, his partners at Truncheon. He answered the work-related ones, but didn't bother to apologize for not responding their invitations to hang out over the weekend. He only acknowledged those about half of the time anyway. Truncheon had a busy week ahead. They had an investor who was interested in helping them expand the business, but he wanted proof that they could shorten their turnaround time and without the quality of the work suffering. They couldn't afford any more employees, so everyone was working crazy hours to prove they deserved this shot.

Jess's instinct had to been to rebel against the idea of expansion. He hated strict deadlines and answering to someone else. The best part of Truncheon was that they were self-sufficient, that they didn't have to bend to anyone's will but their own. But he loved Truncheon. It was his home, a concept that had been foreign to him for so many years. He wanted the business to grow, to be successful. Sometimes it still surprised him to realize how much he cared about it. For so many years, he hadn't cared about anything.

There were a couple of messages from Anna, the girl he'd been seeing recently. One of the messages reminded him that he'd agreed to go with her to a concert at Union Transfer on Wednesday. He apologized to her for the delay in response, and assured her he didn't forget, even though he sort of had. Well, not completely. He'd gotten the tickets and they were sitting on the kitchen counter. He didn't even really like the band, and he was way too busy with work to go, especially since he got nothing done for the four days he was in Stars Hollow. But he did promise her that he'd go, and he wasn't going to back out of it. He couldn't believe that it was Monday afternoon already. Time just had a way of getting away from him when he went to Stars Hollow.

Luke and Lorelai's wedding had been an elaborate affair, a town-wide, weekend-long celebration. At least, he had left on Monday morning. People might still be partying as far as he knew. Kirk had actually done a great job with the decorations; in fact, the whole town had spared no expense. All the businesses shut down; Taylor had even closed Doose's Market. Everyone was there: drinking, laughing, celebrating. He had never seen the town in better spirits. Everyone was happy and having a great time. Almost everyone.

She looked happy, and Jess knew that she was thrilled for her mother and Luke. But something was wrong. She might have most of the town fooled, but but Jess knew Rory Gilmore too well, and he knew something was off with her. During the ceremony, Jess stole more than one glance at her. He had a great view from his spot next to Luke. She was beautiful in her navy blue dress, with her hair softly curled around her face. She kept the pretty smile on her face the whole time, but he saw the faraway look in her eyes. He wondered where her mind was, when her whole focus should have been on the wedding. Occasionally she'd catch his eye, and her smile would change. It turned into the same sort of smile that made him melt when they were teenagers. Then the faraway look would come back, and the cycle would repeat.

At the reception, Jess was sitting at a table with his little half-brother Clay in his lap. He was two years old and happily keeping himself occupied by ripping up napkins. Doula was sitting next to him, playing with TJ's Etch-A-Sketch. TJ and Liz were dancing, even if though there was no music at the moment.

Jess looked around and his gaze fell to the table where Rory sat with Lane and the rest of Hep Alien. They all raised their champagne glasses and clinked them together, laughing. But while the rest of them drank, Jess saw Rory put her glass down without taking a sip. He saw her face falter for just a moment before she started laughing again. She looked around and her eyes met his. She smiled at him, and it was the strangest combination of sadness and happiness he had ever seen on a person's face. Still, Jess smiled back at her. She excused herself from her friends and walked over to him. God, she was still beautiful. Her piercing eyes still hit him like a freight train every time, and dress clung to her body in all the right places. She was wearing Chuck Taylors with the dress, which he knew matched the ones that her mother had changed into after the ceremony.

"Hi." Rory said.

"Hi." Jess parroted. "You look great."

"This old thing?" She joked weakly. "You clean up ok yourself."

"Thanks." Jess said, and they slipped into a strange, charged silence.

"Who's this?" Rory asked finally, looking down at Clay. Clay had his fingers in his mouth as he looked up at Rory with big brown eyes.

"This is Clay. You haven't met him yet?" Jess asked, looking at his brother.

Rory shook her head. "No, I haven't seen Liz and TJ in…"

"Four years." Jess finished for her with a knowing smile.

"Yeah." Rory blushed. "Four years."

Four years ago, he had been in Star's Hollow for Doula's sixth birthday party. He came for her birthday every year, and always gave her a book no matter how much TJ mocked him for it. Rory happened to be in town, so she tagged along with Lorelai. The party was at the Dragonfly, and Doula and all her friends were taking turns riding the Inn's ponies while Jess and Rory feverishly made out behind the stables.

They never talked about it again, but they e-mailed and texted occasionally after that. And now here they were, four years later. She was unemployed and writing a book, he loved his job and had written three short novels, and his uncle had just married her mom. Their lives had taken some strange turns, that much was certain.

Jess looked at Rory, unsure what to say next but her focus wasn't on him. She was looking down at Clay with that thoughtful, happy/sad look on her face again.

"You ok?" Jess asked, not letting her break eye contact.

"Fine." Rory said too quickly. "Do you wanna go somewhere?"

"Yeah." Jess said, not pausing to think about it. He put Clay down and said, "Go get Mommy, buddy." The toddler ran to where his mom and stepfather were still dancing to no music. Clay pulled on his mom's skirt until she laughingly picked him up and kissed his cheek.

"Where to?" Jess asked, standing up and leading Rory away from Doula. "Round two behind the stables?"

Rory laughed uncomfortably and took Jess by the hand. "No, some place better."

"I'll be the judge of that." Jess said dryly, but he let Rory lead him away from the party. They walked through the town square, deserted because everyone was at the reception. Jess didn't bother to comment on the fact the Rory still had him by the hand. They stopped in front of Andrew's bookstore, and Rory shyly dropped his hand, looking at him expectantly.

"I'm pretty sure that Andrew's at the reception, Ror. If you want to buy a book, you'll have to stick with Amazon."

Rory laughed and the sound filled Jess with warmth, like it always did. She reached into the pocket of her dress and pulled out a key. "I still have this from the summer I worked here."

"Wasn't that like, 12 years ago?"

"Give or take." Rory said, inserting the key in the lock. "I want to show you something."

"You're full of intrigue today, Gilmore." Jess commented.

She turned back to him with a smirk that damn near stopped his heart. "I learned from the best, Mariano."

She disappeared into the bookstore and Jess followed behind her. She turned the lights on and turned to face him.

"What are we doing here, Rory?" Jess asked, and she shrugged with a playful smirk. Whatever they were doing here, she had planned it from the beginning. There was no way she just happened to be carrying that key around in the pocket of her bridesmaid's dress.

"Come look over here." She beckoned him over to one of the shelves.

Jess obeyed and stood next to her. She was unbearably close. He could smell the jasmine in her perfume, and he wanted to put his arm around her waist and pull her to him. It was such a simple desire, but it was almost visceral.

"Notice anything?" Rory asked, nodding to the shelves. Jess sighed as he remembered that he had no right to act on his desires to touch her, and humored her by scanning the shelves. Finally he saw what she wanted him to see.

"Huh." His mouth settled into a smirk. _The Subsect_ , _Driving in Reverse_ , and _Small Rebellions_ , multiple copies of all his books with his name printed on the spines.

"I told Andrew he should start a Local Authors section, then he could feature them. But he said that you and Babette's self-published book of famous lawn gnomes weren't enough to warrant a whole display." As if she understood his need to touch her, she placed a hand on his shoulder as they stood there.

"Once you publish your book, there will be more than a display. I'm sure you can convince him to toss one of my books in the corner. I'm ok with riding your coattails."

Rory laughed, but her eyes were sad again, just for a second. "You don't need to ride anyone's coattails, Jess. Your books are so good."

"Thanks." He said, stiffening at the praise. "I think they're ok."

"More than ok." Rory insisted. "Jess, you're...amazing." As she said it, she sighed deeply and sank down to the floor with her back pressed against the bookshelf.

Jess slid down next to her. "Ok, Gilmore, you've been acting weird all day. What's up?"

Rory shook her head and he could see tears in her eyes. She wiped at them quietly. "It's been a weird few days."

"Luke and Lorelai are married." Jess said, even though he knew that wasn't what she meant. "Finally."

"Finally." Rory repeated.

"And you're writing your book. That's so great, Rory. I can't wait to read it."

"I already e-mailed you the first three chapters." She said quietly.

"What's wrong, Rory?" He asked, but she didn't answer so he asked, "why did you bring me here?"

At that, Rory smiled just a little. "I've been planning it for weeks, since mom and Luke set the date. Bringing you here to see your books on the shelf, telling you that I couldn't have started writing mine without you. Just like you said to me, all those years ago. Remember?"

"I remember." Jess said fondly. "Man, how young were we then?"

"Young." Rory said firmly. "I'll never forget you coming to my grandparents' house, the things you said. I was drowning, and you saved me."

"It was way more selfish than that." Jess confessed with a shrug. "I wanted you to know because I wanted you to be proud of me, and…"

"And what?" Rory asked, looking at him with pleading in her eyes.

"I wanted to give you a better memory of me." Jess said. "There weren't a lot of good ones of me from when we were together. I wanted there to be one thing about me that you could think of that would make you smile."

Rory let out a strangled laugh and wiped at a tear.

"What?" Jess asked.

Rory shook her head and said with a small, strange smile, "You just have a way with words, Jess."

"Thanks." He said quietly. After a moment, he asked, "You put a lot of thought into this, huh?"

She nodded, but her smile was gone. "Yeah, but you can't plan everything."

"No. That's true enough." Jess tentatively put an arm around Rory, and she immediately leaned into him and rested her head on his shoulder. "So when you planned this whole thing, what did you think would happen next?"

Jess turned to look at her, and her face was inches away from his. With a little smile on her lips, she leaned in even closer. Jess closed the gap and kissed her gently before either of them could change their minds. Rory brought her hand to his cheek and they deepened the kiss. After a few moments, they pulled apart breathlessly.

"That's about what I thought would happen." Rory said, but now the tears were flowing down her cheeks.

"I wish you'd fill me in here because I'm totally lost." Jess said, reaching up to wipe a tear away from her face.

Rory dropped her head back down onto Jess's shoulder. "You know what our problem has always been?"

"Communication?" Jess asked wryly, thinking back to his conversation with Luke before he and Lorelai had reconciled.

"Good answer but no, actually. Timing, Jess. Our problem has always been timing."

"I can see that." Jess agreed. "But what's so wrong with the timing now? Besides the fact that we're step-cousins?"

"Trust me, Jess. The timing's never been worse. I'm sorry." Rory said, not meeting his gaze.

Jess shrugged. "I'm not. But why did you still go through all this, if you knew the 'timing was wrong' or whatever?"

Rory was silent for so long that Jess didn't think she was going to answer the question. Finally, she looked at him and said, "Because I'm selfish. I'm selfish and I just wanted to feel what it could be like, with you, just for a little while. And I know it isn't fair to you. God it's just like at Truncheon all those years ago. I know I'm just using you again and I'm sorry, Jess. I'm so sorry."

Rory pulled away from him and dropped her head into her hands so he couldn't see her face. Jess was quiet for a long moment as he contemplated her words. "And you're so sure? That it can only be for a little while?"

Rory let out a strangled laugh. "I am positive."

Jess hesitantly put a hand on Rory's upper back. "I'm not going to pine, you know."

Rory looked up at Jess, her eyes gleaming with recognition at the words. All of a sudden, she was 18 again, trying to convince him that he hadn't broken her heart, that he would be easy to get over.

"I don't want you to pine." Rory said. Jess looked at her skeptically and she said, "Well, maybe pine a little."

Jess smirked. "I have a career, people I care about, a decent apartment and a kickass pet turtle."

Rory looked at him, clearly confused by his words.

"I have a good life, Rory. I want you in it, but if you're saying you don't want that, then I'm not going to pine….is that what you're saying?"

Rory nodded slowly. "I'm saying we can't have that."

Jess was acutely aware of the very specific verbiage she used, but he didn't bother to challenge her. It boiled down to the same thing, after all. He wasn't going to beg her to be with him. Even for Rory Gilmore, beginning just wasn't his style.

Jess used two fingers to lift Rory's chin so she was looking him in the eyes. He dropped a sweet, lingering kiss on her lips. When he pulled away, her eyes were closed and her forehead was scrunched, as if she was trying to commit the moment to memory.

"I think our 'little while' is over now." Jess said, standing. He offered her his hand and helped lift her to her feet. "Let's go back to the party."

"You're a good guy, Jess." Rory said. "I hope you know that."

"Oh yeah, I'm a prince." Jess said sarcastically as they walked out of the bookstore. Rory locked the door and placed the key back into her pocket. He wished he was a prince in that moment, as ridiculous as it sounded, because didn't the prince always get the girl in fairy tales?

"Hey Ror." Jess said softly. She was a few steps ahead of him and stopped and turned around when he said her name. "Are you ever going to tell me? What exactly this was all about today?"

"Yeah." She said, looking down at her shoes. "Yeah, you'll find out. Hey Jess?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you have a good memory of me? A good memory that just makes you smile?" Rory asked, and for some reason Jess knew the answer was very important to her.

Jess closed the gap between them and put his hand on her face. "This one will be pretty close."

In his apartment in Philadelphia, Jess looked down at his phone as it buzzed in his hand. It was a message from Anna asking to hear all about his weekend. He responded, asking her to meet for coffee after he stopped to check in at Truncheon. It wouldn't do any good to keep replaying what had happened. He couldn't make any sense of it, no matter how hard he tried. Besides, he had a life to live. He had absolutely meant what he said to Rory. He wasn't going to pine.


End file.
